Categories
Confidence Dating Self-Esteem

How to Stop Obsessing Over Women

Did you ever find yourself in a situation where you were so attracted by a woman that you couldn’t help but get her at all costs?

If yes, I perfectly understand you because I was precisely the kind of guy obsessing over women in the past just like a coder is obsessed with computers.

If you suffer this problem as well, probably you always tend to control social interactions with women. You try to get them to your only advantage, and when things don’t go as planned, you get angry clenching your stomach and fists and you freak out in an open vent, punching the wall next to you.

If you can relate to this you probably also see interactions with women like a battle where either you win, or she wins. When you win, everything is ok, when she does, it’s not, because you hate losing.

Now I can understand that losing is terrible but if that’s your reaction when a woman rejects you, keep reading the post please and do favor both to yourself and to the world.

What You’ll Learn From This Article

After reading this article, you will start to light the fire of awareness on how to create true freedom in your life even when approaching women consistently and getting rejected frequently and you’ll finally get rid of that anger sensation every time you’ll get rejected by one.

I know you are thinking:

“Yes, Sal but how can I be outcome independent if I really like her?” “I love her so much that I would treat her so well if she were my girlfriend, I would buy her flowers, bring her to the restaurant, leave with her on a road trip to Italy and then buy…”

HEY! WAKE UP, MAN.

Probably all you want to do to her is throw her on a bed and give her the best sex lesson of her life with a combination of roughness and care. After that, you might do all the other things but what has drawn you to her has been your primal sexual instinct, and that’s perfectly normal.

You just have to learn how to control your obsession because that’s precisely what is making her run away from you, apart from ruining your own experience with her that should be relaxed and free.

Before I tell you the solution anyway, I’ll pose a little question to you.

Do you think that you should put a strong effort to win a woman you like or you should be immediately outcome independent to get her?

We all know that outcome independence has its advantages and that’s true to an extent. Anyway, the best solution, in my opinion, lies in a combination of effort + outcome independence in a perfectly timed manner. You’ll understand what I mean in a minute.

My First Cold Approaches

I got into the dating world because I was not being successful with women for all my entire life and I wanted to improve my skills once forever. Yes, I was like that before.

I was feeling demotivated like a soccer player whose team is losing 6-0, worthless like a piece of carbon in a diamond cave and undesired from the opposite sex like a home visit from your friend when you’re cuddling with a girl.

And this felt SHIT. That’s a picture of me during that time by the way, where I was pretending to be cool.

To solve this problem, I started to study women psychology through books, online posts, and videos like most people did. They all suggested to study 10% of the time and to practice on the other 90% of it, and so I started going out of my home to put myself in cold water.

As you can imagine, the first times I practiced I wasn’t even able to talk to one single woman. Every time I was getting close to one, my body would command me to stop with an immediate rush of adrenaline that was circulating all over it. It felt like being in extreme danger or like getting caught from your parents while doing something wrong.

I guess you know the feeling I am talking about if you ever tried to approach a woman you liked.

Things Started To Get Better But…

After some months of practice and epic fails I started to get some attention from women, and it just felt amazing, especially when you never knew what being attractive to women meant. It felt like a new world was being presented to me, a world where women weren’t that snob or uninterested but creatures designed to be approached and seduced.

The old chapter of my life was closed by a big theatre curtain while I could sheer through a small opening in it the future that life reserved to me, a tomorrow where relationships with women would not have been a problem anymore.

The evil side of that fact is that when you start getting attention from them, you begin to like it so much that you start growing dependent on it and on validation from women as well. This is one of the worst things that can happen to you in your pickup path, as well as in your general life (money and fame are other examples).

The need for attention and validation can eat you alive and, as a matter of fact, I started getting addicted to them without even being aware of it.

The Punishment Didn’t Last To Arrive

— “I’m getting good at this,” I said. “I gotta make all the women I like attracted to me now.”

I was thinking that I was the shit thanks to the cold approaching skills I had developed. The problem with this egocentric and selfish view was that it was making me focus on the women that were resisting to me instead of concentrating on the ones that liked me.

Mainly I was thinking more on the women were not attracted to me rather than letting go and focussing on the ones that were for real drawn to me.

I started to approach women only for the pleasure to win them over and to prove myself that I could eventually have the ones that turned me down, rather than for the joy of sharing exciting intimate moments with them, a pleasure that later turned into a disturbing obsession.

As you can imagine, this brought me down a negative spiral of significant and painful failures.

The worst reactions I had happened with the women that were giving me some sort of attention at first but then dropped it for some reasons unknown to me.

Those behaviors were literally driving me crazy, and I couldn’t help but freak out every time they behaved that way.

My Worst Experience – The Woman Who Drove Me The Craziest

One unusually severe episode happened with a girl that I liked very much at the time. She was studying in the same college as me, and the first time I noticed her I immediately fell in love.

She was a tall brunette with a slim and curvy body that made me go crazy every time I saw her.

Her best part, anyway, was her butt. Her booty was perfect in all its forms. It was big but compact, classic of an Instagram model nowadays. I won’t post a photo of her actual one but if you want to have an idea of how it looked, here is one really similar to her one.

If you saw it from the back it had a heart-shaped form, from the side it was round and created a clear separation both from her lower back and thighs.

It was paradise, and from the first time I saw it I had labeled it as “The best ass in the whole college.”

How I Met Her

For some reasons, the first two times I saw her I didn’t go for the approach, even if it was in easy contexts and situations.

Then, during a week when my best friend Angelo was visiting me in Rome, I saw her with another cute friend of her.

That was the time I decided to go to approach her and the other woman with my friend.

The opener was kind of funny actually. I saw them passing next to us and entering the toilets located just in front of us.

The entrance for the toilets was the same one both for the male and the female ones, then it divided into the male side (to the right ) and the female one (to the left).

The Genius Idea to Approach Her

Once I saw them entering into the female toiled I was thinking of what to say before they went out of it. I didn’t know what to say or do, but at the same time, I didn’t want to lose the opportunity.

At a certain point, an idea popped up into my mind. I saw that I could have exchanged the female sign of the toilet with the male one.

I thought “Now I’ll swap them so that they’ll believe to have gotten into the wrong toilet.” In all of that, my friend Angelo was already laughing for what was about to happen.

I swapped the signs and came back standing on the wall in front of the exit next to Angelo and waited for them to exit from the toilet.

Finally, they did, and with a cool move, I said “Hey girls! You’ve gotten into the wrong toilet! That’s the one for males!”

They took the bait and immediately got emotional about what occurred. We later engaged in a conversation that lasted for about an hour at the end of which the friend of the woman I liked invited us for dinner at their place, that same night.

That’s what they told us. For simplicity purposes, I’m gonna call the woman I liked “Anne” and the other one “Jennifer” even though those aren’t their real names.

We Get Invited to their House

— Jennifer: “Hey guys, why don’t you come over for a pizza tonight? We’ll cook it.”  

— Sal: “Are you nice cooks or we’re going to get intoxicated.”

— Anne: “Trust us we are really good at cooking!”

— Angelo: “Ok, let’s do it.”

— Jennifer “Ok, let’s meet at 8:30 in Manzoni Square.”

We. Looked. Incredulous.

We didn’t expect this as it was a freaking dream to be invited into the house of your ideal woman. Try to imagine how it would feel if today you met the woman of your dreams and she invited you to her home for dinner together.

I won’t tell you the details of how all the story unfolded as that’s not the aim of this post. What I want you to know instead is that we spent the following weeks together having a lot of fun with foreplay and stuff but never getting to sex.

She Yielded to me, then she Changed Her Mind

She was already behaving strangely with me, giving me attention one day and doing crazy stuff in bed and rejecting me the other, saying that we were “just friends.”

Then, one day, she pulled away her interest for me without any explicit reason, and I literally lost my mind.

I started to become obsessed with her to the point where I went to her house with some flowers in incognito (never brought flowers to any woman before). I was pushing walls and stuff just like the guy in the Muse video clip “Hysteria” does.

— “How is this possible?” I thought. “I am in the pickup for 3 years, and I can’t convince her to like me? That can’t happen, I MUST have her.”

Day and night I was thinking of every way with which I could manipulate her into liking me. Pretty shady right? That’s one of the consequences of getting obsessed with women.

I soon realized that I was playing the game in the wrong way and that this obsession with her was doing too much harm to the two of us.

The fact that she turned me down also provoked me to overreact and to seek validation from other women and… guess what? I was focussing only on the rejections I was receiving instead of enjoying the pleasure of approaching women.

Unfortunately, that can be the power of a woman’s attraction over a man that is not strong internally. A woman can literally destroy a man’s life if he is not strong enough and that’s why you have to stop being obsessed with only one woman if she does not reciprocate the interest to you.

Moreover, if you do pick up to get validation from women, you are doing it in the wrong way. You are probably playing the numbers game to fill up your unmet needs and inflate your ego. In reality, that’s a clear sign of LOW SELF ESTEEM.

The purpose of picking up women is to create genuine attraction with the ones you meet and to have fun with them, not to make a tragedy out of your rejections or to get stuck into that beautiful one that either does not reciprocate or that likes to play with you.

Hey, Sal, you’re right, I react this way too sometimes; how can I get out of this negative loop?

That’s what I wanted you to ask yourself (hope you did).

I don’t know if you had or are having similar experiences in your life, but all I can tell you is to follow these tips:

Tip #1: Once you made your move, let her decide.

If you’ve made your offer (move), she knows more or less what she is gonna get from you. Then it is up to her to decide if she wants to sleep with you or if she wants to start some sort of relationship with you. The fact that she gave you her number, kissed you or slept with you (like in my case) does not justify you to get obsessed with her.

Respect her right to be free as a human being and let her make her decisions on her own. Always remember that you cannot control people in life, but you can only inspire them.

What you have to learn is to become outcome independent only after you’ve made your offer clear to her and gave her the possibility to grab it.

That’s also the moment when you must drop all expectations and attachment to the result. You know where you want to bring the interaction and she knows too. At this point, you just have to make things happen as naturally as possible without trying to force anything.

Does this mean I shouldn’t be persistent with women you like?

Not at all. Be persistent, still, try and try to get to where you want to get. If it is sex that you wanna have, try to get it by only going past the symbolic rejection and not the real one she might be expressing.

The limits to persistence lie in calibration and common sense. If you see that after various attempts she is not responding to you, just drop it.

Tip #2: It’s not a defeat is she rejects you

Don’t even look at it as a defeat, just look at a situation from the perspective that she might not be the right woman for you in that specific moment. Maybe she will be in the future but not now unless she wants it.

What you want and what she wants are not the same when rejection happens, as simple as that. Even if you practice pickup, it is absurd to believe that you can have every woman you meet as that’s against reality. There will always be a woman that will like you as there will still be a woman that won’t because that’s how things are meant to be naturally.

If you think about it, you also won’t sleep with all the women you meet right, even if they look cute. That’s because there is something more than just aesthetics that justifies attraction.

We, as men in the pickup community, are doing harm to women and to the community itself behaving this way. Let’s get back our honor, dignity, and integrity that only real men have and let’s respect their boundaries and choices.

More than that, let’s also get back our self-respect and self-esteem by accepting to be rejected and moving on like a man instead of crying over a woman as pussy does.

Why do you think most women can’t stand men who get obsessed with them? Because it seems like the majority of them doesn’t know when to stop, exactly like I was behaving before with her. Coming from that place I can tell you that there is another level of the game, that next level that is more effective for both men and women and more harmonious at the same time.

Tip #3: Always Focus on Abundance

Put your ego on the side if she rejects you, and move on. There are millions of women, and for your own good, it is better to focus on the ones that naturally resonate with you instead of concentrating on the ones with which you have nothing to share, also from a sexual point of view.

Remember that we are lucky to live in a free world where we can talk to all the women we want but also remember that if you are entitled with the right to approach a woman, then she is authorized with the right to reject your offer.

The next time you’ll get rejected by a woman think this:

“That’s fine because I’ve really tried my best. Probably we are not made for each other right now. Surely I’ll meet a woman that will like me soon, let’s move on head-on and find out what life reserves to me.”

Think about this for a minute:

Try to feel how annoying a woman can be for you if she sticks around you too much. Think of this woman as someone obsessed with getting you at all costs because of his ego, even after you have explicitly rejected her.

Or if you’ve ever been approached by a man and are straight, think how annoying it would be if this man would text you all day and be obsessed with you to the point you wanna throw up.

I hope you got how they feel when that happens now.

YOUR TAKE AWAY FROM THIS ARTICLE

Realize that if you approach a woman by stating your intentions clearly and honestly, you already won as you’ve been brave, honest and also respectful.

Answering to our previous question, you must, of course, drop the outcome of the interaction but only once you’ve made your offer with intention, confidence and positive expectation.

If you drop the outcome dependence before starting the interaction, you risk of not being as committed as you should be in the first place as if you don’t really care, then you wouldn’t be as excited as you should be when in her presence.

The next time you get rejected by a woman, immediately think of my advice, get over it and move on. Try to do this every time from now on.

Did you ever obsess over one woman you liked very much? How did you manage the situation?

Comment below your experience, we’ll be happy to hear it.

Categories
Confidence Dating

How to Stop Being Needy Today (And What You Should Do Instead)

Did you ever meet that sensual girl that was so hot that she literally caused your back shivering and your jaw to drop like a coconut from a palm?

If you are confident enough, the typical scenario looks like this: you go talking to her, you manage to take her number, and you rush telling it to your best friend.

After that, since she is one of the most impressive women you have ever seen in your life you start harassing her with 100 text messages per day. The problem is that you show so much neediness, that she stops responding to you, getting you out of your fairy cheesy dream.

Does this sound like you?

If yes, keep reading this article as it will help you avoid committing those useless mistakes again.

Being needy is one of the most repulsive things you can do to a woman and to people in general.

Jim Carrey in his worst version. Do you want to be like him? I guess not. 

What You’ll Learn From This Article

With this post you are gonna learn how to stop being needy once forever. Forget about pushing away people with your sticky attitude and start living an abundant life for the rest of your days.

Before we start a little question: Is it possible to eradicate neediness from our lives so that we can attract people instead of repelling them?

The Truth About Neediness

First of all, I would start with a short but concise fact:

There is nobody in life that you need to feel happy and fulfilled.

One of the things that make people fail socially, especially the ones that are incompetent or alone, is the fact that usually, the less social skills (and opportunities) you have, the needier you are. This means that at the first social opportunity that presents to you, you happen to stick there like a bee with honey, not leaving enough room to the other person to even breathe. Anyway, this needy behavior only occurs under a specific condition.

My Story: How Neediness Made Me Screw Up With A Hot Salsa Teacher

It happened to me many times to show neediness to a woman (especially when I first started approaching them) but what I am about to tell you in a while was one of the most catastrophic and needy moves I have ever done in my entire life.

Me dancing in the Cuban club in Barcelona

One summer night I was at a salsa party in a cool Cuban club in Barcelona. I had just ended up dancing the bachata with a woman when I spotted this girl at the corner of the room. She was from eastern Europe, brunette, good butt and tanned with this incredible body that was moving to the music as a siren uses her tail to swim. Very close to my ideal type I would say.

I grabbed her arm and asked her to dance with me. I immediately noticed that she was a terrific dancer and indeed she later turned out to be a salsa teacher. After having finished dancing I brought her to the side of the dancefloor where we started to talk.

I saw a lot of interest from her side, so I was pretty sure I could step things forward. I asked what she was up for the day after and she told me of this famous festival in Lloret de Mar (a cool place nearby Barcelona) called Guaguancò Festival where she was going.

“Why don’t you come!” she said, smiling to me.

I immediately thought that this was the best fucking thing ever, but I said that I would have thought about it (I didn’t have much money at the time and had to check out the cost of the festival because it was really a last minute choice that I had to make).

The day after, I contacted my salsa master, and he told me that this was actually one of the best festivals worldwide. This fact, together with the opportunity of going with her, made me drunk just at the thought of it.

I Looked at the Festival Prices and Told Her that I Was Coming.

I took everything that could fit into my small backpack and took the first train that departed from Barcelona alone. The excitement was so high that I felt excited like Bear Grylls is for a new adventure and happy like a 7 years old baby, after all, it all seemed like destiny had let us meet each other.

I mean, a salsa teacher, hot as hell, she invited me to this crazy festival in Lloret de Mar and seemed interested in me. If that’s not destiny what’s that?

I was high and was daydreaming about spending those 3 days with her, dancing, having fun and of course banging her. I started to send her video messages on Instagram while I was on the train, in a super exciting way but I didn’t realize what I was doing.

   –“Hey, I’m coming to Lloret de Mar.”

   –“Look! I’m already on the train.”

   –“What are you up to tonight?”

I later saw that she was not answering my messages and I started to feel some kind of discomfort in my gut because I was already on the train to Lloret de Mar.

How could this be possible? Before she was paying a lot of attention to me, and now she was blatantly ignoring me.

I Knew that Women Change their Minds Quickly but… so Fast?!

I could not understand anything, but at the same time, I had understood everything that was going on.

I had fallen again into the trap of neediness.

I was so excited by the crazy things that were about to happen that I started being too pushy and to lose control of my calibration system. I sent her another message when I arrived at the hotel to which she replied hours later with not much interest.

I later met her in the club where I invited her to dance with me, but the vibe was already much different than the day before. I could really perceive the shift that had occurred in her mind.

This fact, together with the fact that she was almost ignoring me made me lose the confidence to pursue hitting on her and so I ended up spending the entire festival without her.

Luckily I had the social skills to meet new people over there, in fact, I actually had a blast for the remaining days but with her… I had screwed everything up.

What Should Have I Done Instead?

There were no many options for me at this time because neediness was embedded in my thoughts first and then in my behavior. By not having been conscious of the neediness I was projecting, I could not spot it and so, remove it.

Anyway, there is something you can do right now to avoid finding yourself in those situations with a needy state.

How You Can Get Rid Of Neediness – Today

If you are needy at a specific moment, there is nothing you can do. That’s your state, and you must accept it. You do not need to fake abundance in your life if you don’t have it, but you have to start creating real abundance with your thoughts and then actions.

Tip #1: Discover You Can Be Happy By Yourself

Neediness occurs when you lack enough self-respect and self-love that you keep looking for other people to fill up the void you have inside instead of looking at you as a primary filler.

“Your true self is always with you, but you are not always with your true self.”

Be completely detached from needing someone to fulfill you in life. Life is a journey where we have to satisfy ourselves without depending on others.

So, the profound truth about neediness is that you are not authentic with yourself because it means you did not actually take the time to work and find your true essence.

One of the reasons why you did not find yourself yet is that you are looking for external distractions not to face what is going within your inner psychology.

Instead, look inside and learn to feel ok already the way you are.

This way you’ll develop true attractiveness because you’ll be authentic and confident in who you are, meaning that you won’t be prone to hold people to yourself like needy people do, but you’ll let them be free to do whatever they want.

Remember that you can’t be authentic with someone that you need something from.

This happens because the fear of losing them is preventing you from expressing who you really are. Have you ever seen this pattern in your life?

Tip #2: Create Inner Abundance

Nobody in life wants to stay around needy people unless they are desperate themselves or are into another level of consciousness.

Just think about that, if you are needy, and if it’s true that in life you attract who you are, you will attract needy and desperate people and not the ones you probably want to have around you, unless you have low self-esteem.

That’s how life works, and that’s why you should work on yourself so that you won’t create emotionally codependent relationships in your social circle.

If you want to have somebody that is confident around you, start working on your unresolved issues. The right people will manifest in your life as a consequence of this.

Really useful is to make the below statement part of your entire being:

“There is nothing and nobody in the entire world that can offer me what I can’t offer to myself the way I am.”

This way you’ll invite people in your life instead of pulling them to you with force. This is true in dating as well as in all the other areas of your life.

Tip #3: Work On Your Inner Issues

In my opinion, the universe (god) wants us to be happy with ourselves. He did not create us to search for happiness outside of us but to find it within and become fulfilled beings.

If you need something from somebody to fill an aspect about yourself like security, confidence, money, sex, adventure and so on you’ll always be dependent on something external to make you feel good.

The truth is that you can already feel good by yourself if you fill those voids within your true essence, then you can have all the fun that you want with people that are as complete as you.

All the types of relationships where somebody is mutually filling the unfulfilled psychological needs of somebody else is by nature codependent and dysfunctional.

Tip #4: Create Outer Abundance

Does this mean that you should fake being abundant even if you are not? That’s bullshit because you would be lying to yourself.

Instead what you should do is to work on your external world and be proactive at making it as abundant as you want it to be.

If, for instance, you talk to 3 women each day and out of those 3 you take 1-2 contacts you will start to create a series of positive events in your life reinforcing the fact that you already have what you want. Your sub-communication at this point will be completely different from a previous sub communication where scarcity was present.

When your life looks rich also on the outside (after having worked on the inside), then you will have eradicated neediness completely.

You’ll then feel a complete shift of energy in your life that will produce a change in the way you’ll experience it. Try it first hand to understand it.

Your Take Away From This Article

Neediness will continue to kill your social relationships and to prevent you from finding real fulfillment in life. Understand that this is gonna be something that you’ll have to face sooner or later if you really want to find true happiness.

What have been your experiences with neediness? Do you recall occasions in your life where you needed somebody that had the opposite features of yours just to meet your needs?

Share in the comments about your own experience with us.

Categories
Confidence Dating Self-Development

How to Be More Social (And Enjoy It)

Have you ever been stuck in a conversation with the most boring human being of this planet that all you wanted from life was him to disappear from your sight?

Probably you have experienced this first-hand or, worse, you have behaved this way yourself!

Does It Sound Like You?

Maybe that’s exactly what you do in most social settings, you can’t relax and enjoy the moment as you’d like to. The problem is that this tension is preventing you from really connecting with people you interact with and guess what, you’ll push them away sooner or later.

Social interactions can be scary for many of us at the beginning, even if having successful social encounters is one of the most profound and most essential needs of us humans. It’s paradoxical how we are usually afraid of interactions while we still need them like we need water.

That’s because most people don’t understand that socialization should be fun, in fact, if you don’t have fun during socializing, you are doing it WRONG.

This does not mean that you should make fun of other people and laugh like Jim Carrey in the mask in every social occurrence you have.

What You’ll Learn From This Article

By reading this post, you are going to:

1: Discover the secrets of how true socialization has to occur based on how we are hardwired;
2: Change the perspective you were holding up to now;
3: Enjoy socializing once forever.

Stay tuned because learning the principles contained in here will help you both in your personal and professional life.

Before we start, a little question:

How can we always have fun in social interactions?

What People Do Wrong

Many people try to look cool, severe and composed when they are in social interactions because they think that this is what will make the other person tick.

The fact that trying to look always serious is attractive is actually a myth, in fact, that’s something that can be considered attractive when embedded in somebody’s natural character and personality.

Why?

Because every social interaction between people is supposed to be fun and positive. Deep inside we all want to create good connections and enjoy our time with others, the problem is that we either don’t know this or we don’t know how to.

This is also true in business relationships.

At equal conditions, would you rather do business with someone you have an incredibly good time with or with somebody that doesn’t leave any taste in your mouth after he goes away?

My Story: Behaving Like a Secret Agent In College

During my college years, when I was learning how human interactions worked, I started to do some social experiments to see how people were responding to me based on the premise that I put into the social interaction.

Image Credits: Wikipedia.org

First, I started my experiment by putting the mask of the cool and serious guy on myself, pretending to be always composed, busy and important (I know, I was a dick). I was basically imitating cool people from movies to try to achieve their sort of powerful aura.

With this experiment, at first I was seeing new people I met being attracted to this detached behavior, especially during the first minutes of the interaction but then they seemed to lose interest in me because I was being too severe and probably also because of the incongruence this behavior had with my creative personality.

I was also hanging around with a good friend of mine at the time that was considered very serious and reserved. We were basically two people hanging around being the ugly James Bond’s copies of our college.

This period was also the one when I was experimenting with pickup, you can imagine the cocktail that came out of that.

A funny event occurred one day when I started talking to two girls that were studying in the same room where my friend and I were. At first, they were quite skeptical and worried about us, but I could not understand why.

I mean, I had never given this impression before to a woman. Anyway me and my friend kept talking to them until they opened up.

The Truth Came Out Unexpectedly

They basically told us that they and some other friends of theirs had always been intimidated by our attitude because of the serious appearance we were projecting and that they felt scared when we approached them.

Then, taken by the curiosity of the fact, my friend and I started asking around other people that we met if they had the same opinion of us and almost everybody said the same thing.

This was like being hit by a hammer for me as nobody had ever told me something like that.

I quickly realized that trying to look cool was not the key to social success and soon dismissed that approach. I was also spoiling my image by doing this experiment, so I quit immediately.

I spent some time thinking about why being cool didn’t work.

After all, James Bond is cool, and still, everybody likes him! Well, that’s true only on the big screen, real life works under an entirely different set of rules.

Authenticity – What Truly Works

“What the hell works then?” was my big question. The understanding came little by little.

What was the factor that repelled social interactions?

The answer to my question seemed only one: Heaviness and trying to look cool.

I started to understand that people were naturally repelled by heaviness in social interactions both if I put them on me, them or on the interaction itself, making it seem like a big deal. (Oh really Salvatore? You are a pure genius having discovered that).

Wait, because I still I see TOO MANY people shooting themselves in their feet by trying to behave in a cool way to copy somebody they’re not, most of the times being bad like Argentinian actors at doing it.

Why? Because probably they still don’t know how things really work.

I started to questions all the role models that I saw on TV and my belief system as well.

Maybe what made people tick was not the constructed image of coolness but something else.

If heaviness and being socially locked was repelling people what could actually attract them?

Of course, the opposite: Lightheartedness and Being Authentic.

I started to experiment this time with lightheartedness in my new social settings. I was not giving too much importance to delivering a cool image this time, but I was present with a genuine authenticity that, by magic, made people more attracted to me.

After that I arrived at a straightforward conclusion:

Life Is a Yacht Party

We are all in a big yacht party, and we are here to have as much good time as possible with the best possible people for us and whoever ruins the party, better to be thrown away from the yacht!

Having a good time with others is one of our most intimate desires, and that’s why usually people avoid others with which they cannot share good vibes as that’s not what we are instinctively looking for.

That’s why we hang out with those people we like, and we can have a good time with. This does not necessarily mean having those Jim Carrey super fun conversations but just feeling good around somebody can be enough.

What the hell! And what about professional relationships? Should they be this way as well?

If we talk business, it does not mean that we are talking with robots, even if most of the times that’s what it seems like. In business relationships, we are still relating to real people that make decisions based on emotions rather than logic.

For that reason, the human component is fundamental also in this case to maximize our success in social relationships.

How You Can Have Fun And Win

Then, how can we get all the benefits of social interactions without being afraid of them?

Hint: Getting drunk and socializing is not the solution.

There are some simple, actionable steps you can use now to maximize your success rate.

Here they are:

#1: Learn To Express Yourself

Whatever positive emotion you are feeling when in the presence of somebody, accept it and express it without trying to resist to it. This will make you more natural and genuine, and people will like and trust you more. Don’t be afraid to smile or laugh if you feel like, that’s being authentic.

#2: Deeply Understand That People Wanna Have Fun

As said before, understand that almost everybody at the end wants to connect and have the best possible social experience. If you can produce this shift in your beliefs, your actions will come from the right place.

Reframe social interactions as events that are supposed to be genuine and natural and not as something cool and perfect.

#3: Kill Perfectionism

You don’t have to try to look perfect in front of people, you’ll only look fake by doing this. You are not perfect like everybody in this world.

Moreover, your being imperfect makes you already perfect the way you are if you genuinely can accept your true self. The only time you are not perfect is when you try to look perfect. Keep this in mind.

#4: Listen To Your Body

This means not overthinking and overanalyzing every social interaction you experience when you experience it. It means being present and fully aware of your feelings rather than of your thoughts.

You’ll have a much deeper experience this way, believe me. The best interactions are the ones where you are able to feel instead of the ones where you merely think.

#5: Remove Expectations

Don’t force the direction of your social interactions. Even if you have a clear goal to achieve, like a business one or a romantic one, it is good to have in mind the destination as trying to over-control the interaction will put too much pressure on it and will inevitably make you fail on your expectation, apart from preventing you from enjoying it.

Your Take Away From This Article

It’s the belief that you hold about social interactions that will produce a specific behavior. When you understand that most people want to have fun and enjoy socializing, your internal perspective and your external reality will change.

I now close this post with a perfect quote for the occasion.

“It is good people who make good places.” Anna Sewell, Black Beauty

Did you ever think about socializing under this perspective?

Comment below with your thoughts.