How to Stop Being Needy Today (And What You Should Do Instead)

Did you ever meet that sensual girl that was so hot that she literally caused your back shivering and your jaw to drop like a coconut from a palm?

If you are confident enough, the typical scenario looks like this: you go talking to her, you manage to take her number, and you rush telling it to your best friend.

After that, since she is one of the most impressive women you have ever seen in your life you start harassing her with 100 text messages per day. The problem is that you show so much neediness, that she stops responding to you, getting you out of your fairy cheesy dream.

Does this sound like you?

If yes, keep reading this article as it will help you avoid committing those useless mistakes again.

Being needy is one of the most repulsive things you can do to a woman and to people in general.

Jim Carrey in his worst version. Do you want to be like him? I guess not. 

What You’ll Learn From This Article

With this post you are gonna learn how to stop being needy once forever. Forget about pushing away people with your sticky attitude and start living an abundant life for the rest of your days.

Before we start a little question: Is it possible to eradicate neediness from our lives so that we can attract people instead of repelling them?

The Truth About Neediness

First of all, I would start with a short but concise fact:

There is nobody in life that you need to feel happy and fulfilled.

One of the things that make people fail socially, especially the ones that are incompetent or alone, is the fact that usually, the less social skills (and opportunities) you have, the needier you are. This means that at the first social opportunity that presents to you, you happen to stick there like a bee with honey, not leaving enough room to the other person to even breathe. Anyway, this needy behavior only occurs under a specific condition.

My Story: How Neediness Made Me Screw Up With A Hot Salsa Teacher

It happened to me many times to show neediness to a woman (especially when I first started approaching them) but what I am about to tell you in a while was one of the most catastrophic and needy moves I have ever done in my entire life.

Me dancing in the Cuban club in Barcelona

One summer night I was at a salsa party in a cool Cuban club in Barcelona. I had just ended up dancing the bachata with a woman when I spotted this girl at the corner of the room. She was from eastern Europe, brunette, good butt and tanned with this incredible body that was moving to the music as a siren uses her tail to swim. Very close to my ideal type I would say.

I grabbed her arm and asked her to dance with me. I immediately noticed that she was a terrific dancer and indeed she later turned out to be a salsa teacher. After having finished dancing I brought her to the side of the dancefloor where we started to talk.

I saw a lot of interest from her side, so I was pretty sure I could step things forward. I asked what she was up for the day after and she told me of this famous festival in Lloret de Mar (a cool place nearby Barcelona) called Guaguancò Festival where she was going.

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“Why don’t you come!” she said, smiling to me.

I immediately thought that this was the best fucking thing ever, but I said that I would have thought about it (I didn’t have much money at the time and had to check out the cost of the festival because it was really a last minute choice that I had to make).

The day after, I contacted my salsa master, and he told me that this was actually one of the best festivals worldwide. This fact, together with the opportunity of going with her, made me drunk just at the thought of it.

I Looked at the Festival Prices and Told Her that I Was Coming.

I took everything that could fit into my small backpack and took the first train that departed from Barcelona alone. The excitement was so high that I felt excited like Bear Grylls is for a new adventure and happy like a 7 years old baby, after all, it all seemed like destiny had let us meet each other.

I mean, a salsa teacher, hot as hell, she invited me to this crazy festival in Lloret de Mar and seemed interested in me. If that’s not destiny what’s that?

I was high and was daydreaming about spending those 3 days with her, dancing, having fun and of course banging her. I started to send her video messages on Instagram while I was on the train, in a super exciting way but I didn’t realize what I was doing.

   –“Hey, I’m coming to Lloret de Mar.”

   –“Look! I’m already on the train.”

   –“What are you up to tonight?”

I later saw that she was not answering my messages and I started to feel some kind of discomfort in my gut because I was already on the train to Lloret de Mar.

How could this be possible? Before she was paying a lot of attention to me, and now she was blatantly ignoring me.

I Knew that Women Change their Minds Quickly but… so Fast?!

I could not understand anything, but at the same time, I had understood everything that was going on.

I had fallen again into the trap of neediness.

I was so excited by the crazy things that were about to happen that I started being too pushy and to lose control of my calibration system. I sent her another message when I arrived at the hotel to which she replied hours later with not much interest.

I later met her in the club where I invited her to dance with me, but the vibe was already much different than the day before. I could really perceive the shift that had occurred in her mind.

This fact, together with the fact that she was almost ignoring me made me lose the confidence to pursue hitting on her and so I ended up spending the entire festival without her.

Luckily I had the social skills to meet new people over there, in fact, I actually had a blast for the remaining days but with her… I had screwed everything up.

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What Should Have I Done Instead?

There were no many options for me at this time because neediness was embedded in my thoughts first and then in my behavior. By not having been conscious of the neediness I was projecting, I could not spot it and so, remove it.

Anyway, there is something you can do right now to avoid finding yourself in those situations with a needy state.

How You Can Get Rid Of Neediness – Today

If you are needy at a specific moment, there is nothing you can do. That’s your state, and you must accept it. You do not need to fake abundance in your life if you don’t have it, but you have to start creating real abundance with your thoughts and then actions.

Tip #1: Discover You Can Be Happy By Yourself

Neediness occurs when you lack enough self-respect and self-love that you keep looking for other people to fill up the void you have inside instead of looking at you as a primary filler.

“Your true self is always with you, but you are not always with your true self.”

Be completely detached from needing someone to fulfill you in life. Life is a journey where we have to satisfy ourselves without depending on others.

So, the profound truth about neediness is that you are not authentic with yourself because it means you did not actually take the time to work and find your true essence.

One of the reasons why you did not find yourself yet is that you are looking for external distractions not to face what is going within your inner psychology.

Instead, look inside and learn to feel ok already the way you are.

This way you’ll develop true attractiveness because you’ll be authentic and confident in who you are, meaning that you won’t be prone to hold people to yourself like needy people do, but you’ll let them be free to do whatever they want.

Remember that you can’t be authentic with someone that you need something from.

This happens because the fear of losing them is preventing you from expressing who you really are. Have you ever seen this pattern in your life?

Tip #2: Create Inner Abundance

Nobody in life wants to stay around needy people unless they are desperate themselves or are into another level of consciousness.

Just think about that, if you are needy, and if it’s true that in life you attract who you are, you will attract needy and desperate people and not the ones you probably want to have around you, unless you have low self-esteem.

That’s how life works, and that’s why you should work on yourself so that you won’t create emotionally codependent relationships in your social circle.

If you want to have somebody that is confident around you, start working on your unresolved issues. The right people will manifest in your life as a consequence of this.

Really useful is to make the below statement part of your entire being:

“There is nothing and nobody in the entire world that can offer me what I can’t offer to myself the way I am.”

This way you’ll invite people in your life instead of pulling them to you with force. This is true in dating as well as in all the other areas of your life.

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Tip #3: Work On Your Inner Issues

In my opinion, the universe (god) wants us to be happy with ourselves. He did not create us to search for happiness outside of us but to find it within and become fulfilled beings.

If you need something from somebody to fill an aspect about yourself like security, confidence, money, sex, adventure and so on you’ll always be dependent on something external to make you feel good.

The truth is that you can already feel good by yourself if you fill those voids within your true essence, then you can have all the fun that you want with people that are as complete as you.

All the types of relationships where somebody is mutually filling the unfulfilled psychological needs of somebody else is by nature codependent and dysfunctional.

Tip #4: Create Outer Abundance

Does this mean that you should fake being abundant even if you are not? That’s bullshit because you would be lying to yourself.

Instead what you should do is to work on your external world and be proactive at making it as abundant as you want it to be.

If, for instance, you talk to 3 women each day and out of those 3 you take 1-2 contacts you will start to create a series of positive events in your life reinforcing the fact that you already have what you want. Your sub-communication at this point will be completely different from a previous sub communication where scarcity was present.

When your life looks rich also on the outside (after having worked on the inside), then you will have eradicated neediness completely.

You’ll then feel a complete shift of energy in your life that will produce a change in the way you’ll experience it. Try it first hand to understand it.

Your Take Away From This Article

Neediness will continue to kill your social relationships and to prevent you from finding real fulfillment in life. Understand that this is gonna be something that you’ll have to face sooner or later if you really want to find true happiness.

What have been your experiences with neediness? Do you recall occasions in your life where you needed somebody that had the opposite features of yours just to meet your needs?

Share in the comments about your own experience with us.

Armin is an online entrepreneur and writer in the dating, psychology and spirituality areas of the self-help industry.
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